Lesley Goth, PsyD

I’m 15 years old, a sophomore in high-school, and my dad sits me down, shares with me that he is unhappy and is thinking about leaving my mom. I look him in the eyes. I say, “Dad, I want you to be happy. Do what you need to do, and it won’t change how I feel about you.” My Dad replies, “wow, you would be a great therapist one day.” Between wanting to please my Dad and my love for helping people, I began the path of studying psychology. But this journey was also a time of deep sadness about my parents splitting up. I managed my feelings by covering them up like so many do. Drinking, partying, and feeling completely out of control. I needed to find something to anchor me. Sadly, it was my weight and it took the form of an eating disorder. Years later in graduate school everything came to a head, and like my colleagues I was in therapy to experience the craft I was learning. My therapist helped me begin the journey of healing my negative sense of self-worth, my body image and my relationship with my family. This is where I began to experience what it is like to be really seen and known for who I am. This was very helpful after experiencing my own PTSD from an earthquake. My whole world came crashing down around me literally. It was terrifying. I thought I was going to die. All I remember is somehow getting out of the apartment and huddling in the stairwell with other tenants until the sun came up. The aftershocks, both literally and figuratively, lasted for years. I had so much anxiety. Every night I would wake up at 4am. I was on hyper-alert for the next “big one”. I felt completely out of control and went back to therapy. Shortly after graduation I met my first husband. We had a quick courtship and romance and through him I began a faith journey that I had no idea even existed. Growing up Jewish I always felt a closeness to God. My now ex-husband wanted to go to church and be a part of a non-denominational fellowship. In 1997, two years after we got married, I was open to exploring and did indeed accept Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I’ve been walking with Jesus ever since, still holding onto my Jewish heritage and connections. It wasn’t until 20 years later that I had a very traumatic experience with a church. It is ironic that Christians, who profess to exude the love of God, can be some of the most shaming, judgmental and hurtful people on the planet. Gratefully, I never lost my closeness or connection to God. But I did need to re-evaluate my beliefs and the direction of my faith. This journey led me to call myself a progressive Christian. I define progressive Christianity as: Focusing on the nature, character, and heart of God; the removal of shame, legalism and judgment with an outpouring of grace and love; and ultimately, loving God and others the way God has loved me. In my life, I have experienced both big and little T traumas. I understand the battle of an eating disorder. I know what it is like to numb pain and face the negative consequences. I know what it is like to be brave and go to therapy where openness and vulnerability are required to feel better. I also know what it is like to struggle with my faith and wrestle with God. I know what it is like to face the parts of myself that I am ashamed of. I know what it is like to forgive others as well as myself. Finally, I know what it is like to feel so alone you think you’re going to break, and what it feels like to have unconditional love that is so life-giving you feel like you could burst love all over the place. If you too have felt alone, lost, numb, hurt by Christians and questioned who God really is, then I can help you. If you have had trauma in your life, let’s process it together and get you the life you deserve. If you’re struggling in your marriage or relationship, I too have struggled and have seen both sides of divorce. If you have struggled or are struggling with your body and relationship with food, I know the power it has over your life and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I have walked this journey too. Let’s explore your path and see what healing can look like and feel like for you.